Los "yomeamo"

Nadie manifestaría ser parte de este gran grupo en forma pública pero bien es sabido que todos poseemos rasgos y características ególatras, sin duda alguna. Ser ultimomentista, colgado y hasta opinólogo es snob e inofensivo, pero formar parte de los yomeamo tiene poco roce social y está muy mal visto ¿no?... ¡Hipócritas de mierda! Eso es lo que somos.

Les es imposible parar de mirarse el ombligo, embelezados con su vistoso cráter orgánico resultado del maravilloso parto que trajo al mundo sus tan necesitadas presencias. Son los que acopian en vitrina sus trofeos, los que destacan sus dotes en el habla y experiencia acumulada, los que cuentan los “10” (sin tener en cuenta las bajas notas, fruto de su verdadera realidad académica), los que mentalmente hacen una lista de sus logros y los que visten cualquier prenda, ya que a su criterio, todo les queda bien.


No suelen ser buena gente, más bien todo lo contrario: ventajeros, sobradores, malintencionados… Se autoconvencen de que son los mejores y eso trasmiten a sus pares. Tienen su “grupito adulador”: encargados de decirle lo bien que está, qué fresco tiene el cutis, qué cerebro brillante ostenta, qué bien huele y qué personalidad magnífica evidencia. Cabe destacar que el “grupito adulador” no tiene vida y está pendiente únicamente de los logros del yomeamo.

Harían lo imposible para tener el culo adelante y poder mirárselo de frente en el espejo. Y hablo de las mujeres nuevamente (las saco a colación seguido por temas poco agradables últimamente). No todas pero sí la gran mayoría. No lo exponen a las masas, pero se aman muchísimo más que los hombres, con una autoestima elevadísima y hasta envidiable. Veamos una típica conversación introspectiva de una yomeamo femenina:

Yomeamo femenina se dice a sí misma mirándose al espejo (Narcisa frustrada): ¡Qué bien que estoy, la verdad! Estoy buena, soy carismática, tengo el mejor novio, la mejor casa, la mejor vida… ¡Epa! Las mejores gomas también… recién lo noto, ¡que buen detalle! Yo sabía que me iban a crecer, no podía ser tan perfecta con una sola carencia. ¡Cómo me deben envidiar las chicas!, ¡ME ENCANTA!, ¡Cómo me desea el sexo masculino!... ¡Mirá lo que soy por favorrrrr!

Capaz que mide medio metro, con cara de pura nada, el novio es terrible nabo y tiene menos onda que pelo de taiwanés… pero ellas se autoconvencen solitas.

Los yomeamo van aumentando con el correr del tiempo. Algunos casos son Hitler, la yegüita K (sin establecer comparaciones odiosas), los miembros de la farándula (sin excepción alguna), las clásicas “divinas” (máximos exponentes del yomeamo en numerosas universidades) y la forra de mi vecina que no para de mirarse en el espejo del ascensor.

Son muchos y pueden ser más… pero nunca lo van a reconocer. Es una verdadera virtud amarse a sí mismo y señalar los puntos positivos que todos tenemos. Pero no está bueno irse al carajo y realizar una yomeamomanía en la que no hay ídolos ni íconos, no hay estrellas sino estrellados, no hay modelos ni ejemplos a seguir… más que el de uno mismo, claro.

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